Ivy Beleaguered

Now this is a long time between posts. Maybe such a layoff has caused anyone who's previously read this to lose interest. In that case, I'd be writing this for myself, which probably isn't the worst thing that could happen.

It's been hard to post this semester, just because it's been a very frustrating semester. I thought I'd be able to manage my time and mental health a little better. But I quickly found out that I am not good at juggling things. Between teaching, research and coursework I constantly found myself agonizing and falling behind on something. I was just very stressed and wasn't very happy. And I couldn't get motivated with the thought of so much to do piling up on top of me. So yes, things suffered. I'm not doing very well in the class I'm taking. I'm not putting out amazing research. And I don't think I did as well in my teaching fellowship as the other graduate fellows. In fact, this entire year has been frustrating and has left me bitter about my time at Cornell and has really made me worry about whether I'm doing the right thing with my life.

That being said, the corner is turning. I've finished up my teaching commitment and this week I'll wrap up my coursework. Meaning I'll be able to focus on my research and my thesis, which has seen some progress of late as well.

Considering how rough this year was for me and the fact that funding is in short supply for academic work, I've decided to leave school for a while. I plan on finishing up my masters at the end of the summer and moving on. I actually just accepted a full time position with an engineering firm based in the D.C. region that focuses on wetland and stream restoration.

It's strange, for as fast as I want to get away from Ithaca at times, there's an equally strong desire to stay. It's weird to have this persistent thought running through my head that the harder I work, the sooner I can get done while at the same time I'm thinking that I truly dread leaving. I came to Ithaca three years ago and didn't know anyone here. That was a really tough thing for me to do. I did meet some really great people while I was here: Chad, Brendan and Christine. I'm glad I came here and I'm really glad I got to meet these people. I guess that I'll meet some great people in D.C. as well. But the thought of going to a place where I don't know anyone again is a little hard to swallow. I feel like it's starting over again.

But a change is needed. I'm struggling here to keep motivated and this just isn't what I want to do. I don't know what I want to do but I think this new job will help me explore that a little bit more. It's not a life contract, I can leave. But it is a big change and it seems like my life is thrust into all these big changes and big challenges and daunting tasks. And writing about it just makes it that much more real. So I've been avoiding posting because I've been avoiding thinking about it as much as possible.

"Graduation" is in two weeks. I'm going to get to spend time with my family and I can't wait.

I'm taking a break from writing to do some...writing. I just finished putting together a draft proposal for a curriculum project I want to do at Rochester East High. I'm trying to pool together the other grad students in the program as well as some classes up at Rochester to look at an environmentally degraded site owned by the city. The idea is to develop curriculum that addresses the water flow, the contaminant testing, the methods for clean-up and finally the future usage of the site. It could be a really cool project if all works well. I'm working on putting together a written plan that everyone can work off, at least initially.

If you caught the time of this post, you'll notice that I'm writing this at 6 in the morning. I wouldn't necessarily say I'm a morning person. In fact, in college there's really only one way I manage to see 6 am. Here's the deal: the internet is an evil, evil thing. I think if you are a focused individual you can use the web very effectively. I'm a little scatterbrained, especially lately. I spent pretty much all of Sunday in the office. Honestly, I was working on research and this curriculum. But much of my time in the last few days I've spent looking for jobs. I've been putting together my resume, writing cover letters, and doing a lot of online searching. A lot of online searching. I've looked at a ton of companies. And if the company looks interesting, I'll read about services they provide. And if they do things that I would like (read: environmental fluid mechanics) I check out their projects. And if they do some interesting projects, I check to see if they have any job openings. Actually, I pretty much look at the projects and job openings of almost every company. Why? Because I'm not efficient. And I don't exactly know what I want to do. What if what I want to do isn't out there? Or worse, what if it's out there and I just can't find it? Can you see now how I could spend hours online searching and searching and searching?

I remember when I was younger and I went up to Canada with my dad on a fishing trip. I remember driving along the highway and seeing miles and miles of the same absolutely identical pine trees. It's like those Scooby-Doo cartoons where the background just continues to scroll on a continuous loop. It just didn't end. I remember Dad saying how you people sometimes get lost for days in those woods because you could go around and around in circles and not even know it. I kind of feel like that right now. I feel like I've looked at the same sites over and over. Hell, I'm pretty sure I HAVE looked at the same sites a half dozen times. Everytime I come back to the same site I'm hoping something is new there, like a gnarl or a burn scar that I haven't noticed before (I apologize if I'm mixing metaphors).

Actually, you know what I'd love to see tacked up on one of those trees? A map. And a compass.

There's a team-building activity that I've done before where you have to choose the 5 things you would most want with you if you were stranded somewhere, like a deserted island or the middle of the Canadian wilderness. Sure, a knife is good. And a blanket is a good idea, I suppose. Me? I'd like to know where I was, and where I was going. I think if you knew that you could just figure the rest out along the way.

Ha! One post every other month and it doesn't even make sense!

Ok, I'm feeling generous...

Life is pretty good. Haven't been sleeping that much (no comments, please) but am moving forward on both research and teaching. Classes start on Monday and I'll be taking 1 course and 2 seminars. Friday was mid-60's in New York. Saturday was 13 degrees and snow.

Man, I could use some breakfast.

Christine just got accepted to Cornell vet school next year (the top vet school in the country!). Congratulations Christine, I knew you would do it!

What have I been doing the last month? Good question. I'm not really sure.

I've been working on my teaching fellowship. I've been busy developing curriculum and I'm finally getting into classrooms with it. I'm working with 3 schools right now and I have 3 more that I might be working with by next week. I'm trying to compile the hours there. Teaching in secondary schools is challenging. Every week our fellowship program has a seminar with all of the fellows. We spend every week in an hour and a half of discussion on the challenges we face in the classroom. I admit it's difficult being a secondary education teacher and I have developed a finer sense of respect But the teaching is not always the most difficult aspect of this fellowship. Developing projects that are inquiry-based, that fit in with the curriculum of the class and that appeals to the philosophy of the teacher is not easy. And to do that with 6 different teachers, with students that range from 7th grade to seniors, and in classes as different as physics and environmental science. Well, that takes some serious thought sometimes. But I enjoy the challenge most of the time. I've been able to take a variety of lessons into class, including work on lake dynamics, hurricane physics, flow of water through plants and this week a debate about the whether New Orleans should be rebuilt. So things are going well there.

But more important than what I'm doing is that I just found out I will be an uncle! My brother and his wife just found out that they will be expecting their first child in June-ish. I'm really excited about it and can't wait to see them over Christmas to see how they are doing.

The fall here in New York has turned out to be really nice. There was a 2 week stretch that was pretty much solid rain. But we've made it past that and it has actually been warm and sunny. So Christine and I have taken Shadow (her dog) out to the parks as much as possible. And it's been great. The fall is just so beautiful here. I had a great birthday last week, too. I was able to go to both hockey games last weekend (Cornell has a great team this year) and Christine fixed me a great birthday dinner last Monday. And I won tickets to a concert in the State Theatre tomorrow night, which should be a lot of fun.

So life is good in Central New York. I hope life is good wherever you might be, too.

Not much. Kind of in a rut around here. This teaching fellowship is proving to be more difficult than I've expected. I've got all kinds of good ideas, and I'll work on them, but unless a teacher is interested and it fits into their curriculum, I don't really have much that I can do. I can try to shop ideas around a little bit more and I can try to work them into compact lessons, which I'm going to have to start doing, but it's definitely frustrating. It's great that I can just take an idea that I have and run with it but sometimes it's really hard to just think of stuff and do it without any direction. I have some neat things on the docket, though. I am putting the finishing touches on my portable sediment flume. It's like the flume that work on in the lab, except that I can fold it up and slide it into my truck. How cool is that?!? I'll have to think of some crazy stuff to use it for, which shouldn't be too difficult.

Research has been nonexistent lately but I just had a meeting with my advisor last week, so I'll be getting back into that very soon. I definitely need to get a move on things.

So what HAVE I been doing? Spending a lot of time with Christine, that's for sure. We cook dinners together, we take her dog Shadow on walks and to the parks and we hang out a lot on the weekends. It's great not to be so busy that I can't do these things. We work together a lot, too. It's nice that I have a job that I can take with me a lot of time. So it's nice to spend a lot of time with her. And she is one hell of a crossword-er.

The weather in Ithaca has turned sour. Unless you like 40's and rain. Which I don't. I've had good weather for Halloween weekend every year here, so I hope that trend continues. It has one week to shape up.

Thought I'd try to post twice in one month. Not bad considering this summer, not good for anyone trying to keep up with what's going on.

Thankfully, I'm back in Ithaca after my trip to Oregon. I've thought about my trip a little more. Initially, as I was waiting for my plane in Portland, I considered this the worst research experience I've ever had. And in some ways it definitely was. But with some distance I realize that it was also the best research experience I've had as well. I've returned a little angry and strung but I've also returned with a little more focus, a better understanding of our group and what it means to be a graduate student here. The frustration and little bit of anger will subside but I hope that my focus will continue to take shape. It's one thing that has been really lacking this last year in my life.

So I was able to return to Ithaca and better yet, leave others back in Oregon to work on this project. I am not washing my hands of it but I definitely want to separate myself from this for a little bit. Luckily I have my teaching fellowship that requires quite a bit of time to catch up on. I'm really going to like this teaching gig, I think. I spent today at two different schools meeting with teachers and observing classrooms. I'm starting to think about projects and how to work with such broad age and ability levels. I'm looking forward to this opportunity. The thing I have to be careful of is getting to far into this project and neglect my own research. I really need to start writing up my thesis, completing more background research and determine any more experiments that I will need to run.

I've spent the last three days really catching up on a lot of things here in Ithaca. I finally unpacked some of my things in my apartment. I have been returning e-mails. And I have been monopolizing Christine's free time. Hey, she should've packed her classes in while I was gone :) .

Oh, other good news. Iowa State is off to a 2-0 start. One of those wins is over Iowa. I was able to see my good friend Joe get married last weekend. I was able to see all of my other good friends from Iowa State the same day. AND I was able to see my best friend Jon on his birthday. I still can't believe I was able to do all of that last weekend.

I hope everyone is doing well. I'll try to update if I have any more epiphanies.

I’m writing this from the Philadelphia Airport. I probably won’t be able to post it right away but this is one of those rare times when I have a free time and am completely stuck somewhere (the terminal). I realize the amount of time in between posts is ridiculous. This summer has been incredibly hectic and my free time has not been spent updating my blog. But I feel like I should give an update, in case anyone is still reading this, since my friend in the Peace Corps is updating his blog way more regularly than I.

I am on my way to Corvallis, Oregon, home of Oregon State University. We have a project in their wave lab that utilizes their rather large wave tank. This thing is 100 meters by 5 meters by 5 meters. It’s big enough to surf in, apparently. Right now it is home to a couple of tons of sand. We have been developing equipment this summer to study sediment transport within the swash zone. The swash zone is the part of the beach that alternates between wet and dry as the waves come in. The depth of flow is very small in this region and the sediment concentration is really high. This makes it very difficult to measure, since nearly all fluid measurement techniques either depend on significant flow depth or low sediment density. Yet this section of the beach profile is one of the most important in terms of beach erosion, so studying this experimentally is highly coveted in the field of fluid mechanics. Hopefully our equipment will be able to measure at least the sediment velocity via thin fiberoptic scopes connected to high speed cameras that we will bury in the beach. Our research group is very good at using imaging techniques to evaluate fluid flow, so the concept of this is not new to us. The complicated part will initially be trying to use the same techniques to evaluate sediment-laden flow (which does not follow the fluid flow exactly). And then, later on down the road, to massage fluid velocity and sediment concentration out of the data. This will give us sediment fluxes and fluid velocities in the swash zone which has never been done before.

So this summer has been completely different from last summer. It’s been stressful and seemingly unending. My spare time has been cherished this summer (especially with how sunny and warm it was in Ithaca!). So that is the reason for the lack of update.

In other news, I have moved to a 2-bedroom apartment on the lake. It is about as close to Ithaca as you can get and still be on the lake, we have our own dock and gorgeous views out of the bedroom windows. Last Friday was the first time I was able to go swimming and unfortunately it probably won’t be very warm when I get back.

I did take one long weekend when Christine got back to go to Boston. It was a hectic trip (probably tried to do too much) but it was great. We went to Cape Cod and saw Coldplay in concert and checked out Harvard and downtown Boston and received a behind the scenes tour of the Franklin Park Zoo. It was awesome. I’d love to take another weekend trip somewhere this semester but it looks to be pretty busy even after I get back. I have a teaching fellowship that requires a pretty big commitment and I’m hoping to write up my thesis and defend this semester.

I’ll try to keep this updated a little more often. Although for the next week and a half I’ll be in Oregon and will be pretty busy. I hope everyone is doing well.